"Going Through the Motions"

I (Bethany) often have a hard time putting into words everything that rattles around in my head. So here is my best effort this morning. 

I am a wife and also a mom to an almost-4-year-old, who just came down with Croup and an Ear Infection. Which means a few sleepless nights for me when she can't sleep. As I finally get up for the day I feel like a zombie just "going through the motions" of getting us all up, showered, fed and out the door. 

Diabetes is also a circus act of "going through the motions." We check our blood sugar, maybe we don't, and just guess at an appropriate amount of insulin and deal with the fallout later. Insulin pump is out of insulin, beeping and buzzing, so we change the whole system out, or maybe just part of the system. We learn what foods impact our  blood sugar the least, and then what foods will make us feel a bit like we've got a hangover later - and, at times, we'll decide it's worth it in the moment. 

Lately I find myself going through juuust enough of the motions to keep up a poor status quo. I don't feel miserable, and can get through the day. It's not ideal, but at times seems necessary. 

My question to myself has been would I be more productive if I was at 98 or 100%? Would I be thinking clearer? Able to focus better on the task at hand? Be less irritable and more my happy self that I haven't been feeling lately? 

Probably. 

Sometimes our motions need changing, a new kind of routine, or slightly altered for the better. I often find myself in "Diabetes-Burnout", if I try to completely 180º my world, and I know the same is true for most of us. We'd seriously be kidding ourselves if we didn't realize that diabetes is only a part of our daily lives, we have so much more going on than that from work to family to hobbies and all the other things that will come up. 

So I'm challenging myself to change up my daily routine, checking my blood sugar more, and just being more mindful of what I eat. What are you going to do this week to help yourself out? 

- Bethany

Hand to Hand, Heart to Heart

 It is not this case for every Type 1 but it certainly is for me, especially in the last few years. Muscle weakness from high or fluctuating blood sugars causes me to have very weak strength , especially in my hands. The first time I realized my hands would have such drastic repercussions from ill blood sugar levels was a few years back when I was working with my dad in the shop. I couldn’t turn a wrench that under prime circumstances I would have very little difficulty doing. Then I started to drop my purse randomly, have sleepless nights due to muscle cramping, have to stop or not work out because I literally had no strength, or break dishes because my hands just gave out. At first I was terrified and didn’t know what was happening to my body. Then I put two and two together and realized the direct correlation my blood sugars have on my strength. For many reasons, including my love for sports, piano, drawing, work, and the full use of my hands, I am frustrated and fearful of what condition my hands will be in ten and twenty years from now. Praise the Lord these episodes are temporary and I am able to do all the things I love to do still, though still I would be lying if I told you I don’t think about how different life would be if I couldn’t use my hands.

The frustration and terror that results has created much motivation and growth.
What do I do to rid myself of these fears and make it though the times my hands are weak?

 Well, first and foremost, as a believer I know God has a plan for me and that no matter what state I am in I will seek to bring Him glory. He had nails through His hands for me, I will be grateful for whatever state I am in.

 Secondly, I realize and appreciate more and more every day that my husband has really strong hands, really strong muscles, and an even stronger love for me. When we were dating I had an episode and his response to my frustration was “I will always be there for you, even if that means opening what you cant open and picking up what you cant pick up.” Embracing now to admit this, but my first response to his comment was frustration. Why? Well I have a tendency to fear and avoid weakness. I took his kindness as a threat. Oh how I have been humbled and now often seek his help in the areas of my weakness.
Lastly, I learn to cherish the times, that are still more often than not, that I don’t have weakness and pain in my muscles and hands. I cherish the times I get to work with my hands, exercise with full capacity, sleep through the night without muscle cramping, and do the dishes without breaking a glass. I never realized before how I took advantage of living without such conditions. If I can encourage you in any way, please hear this: be grateful for strength and health. I am only one in millions of people with a problem and you just never know when your health decline.

 I am grateful for my hands and I will use them to the best of my ability until the day I die, because I know there are people who don’t have hands or cannot use them. If you feel discouraged remember that this life is temporary so make the most of what you can do!