World Diabetes Day, 2012

If I were to be completely honest, and I will be, I'd tell you that I'm not much one for putting myself out there. I'm not much of an "activist" at all. 

It's funny to me as a Type 1 Diabetic. There is a huge crowd of Type 1's that advocate for us, they are very vocal and all wonderful hardworking people, and I am so grateful for them. Shortly after being diagnosed close to 12 years ago I clung to every internet website I could find that could in SOME way offer me some support. I poured over medical journals, encyclopedias, and every bit of literature that I could get my hands on to better understand this disease I live with. Yet, never been much of one to raise "awareness." Not for any cause however good or noble, quite frankly. 

A few years ago I participated in a "Walk to Cure Diabetes" event, and came away feeling like it was a VERY pointless event. Great, I walked. Great - people pledged some money toward a "cure"… I walked and …that's it. I got some exercise I guess… I know all the great reasons to participate in these things…. I just feel stupid - there are so many other much WORSE things to live with, to be diagnosed with, to find a cure for, in my mind. Not that this is a walk-in-the-park by any means.

Continuing to be honest - I very honestly don't think an actual CURE will ever be made available to the general public. Same with a LOT of diseases, cancers and what-have-you. As much as I am all for entrepreneurship and capitalism, the medical and pharmaceutical industry would lose so much money from the hundreds of thousands of diabetics that depend on them (I'll get real controversial here: it's also my opinion that no amount of socialized health care is going to change that, countries with socialized medicine have not been the innovators in new technologies, it's just those countries that can get equipment approval before the US can, stupid FDA). 

While Type 2 Diabetics far out numbers the Type 1's, we Type 1's typically need more prescriptions monthly and for life. - we don't get to stop when we 'feel better.' There is no cure, there is no "reversing diabetes" when you are Type 1. All those stupid books and miracle drugs get me all enraged (just ask my husband) because they are so misleading, so unaware, SO only there to make money off the gullible that have a real life-threatening disease. 

So, having said all of that… 

I do find the misunderstanding of Diabetes, Type 1, 2, LADA, Gestational… really frustrating. Especially when people like "Dr.Oz" help perpetuate myths and and all the vastly numerous misunderstandings surrounding diabetes. (You can ask my husband about my absolute disdain for Dr.Oz too). 

I've been asked every question in the book, and am ALWAYS happy to answer - no matter how silly the question seems. A few weeks ago I showed a doctor how an insulin pump works, she had never had to deal with a patient on one - so she was unfamiliar. 

My sweet friends and family always put a smile on my face as they offer me food when my blood sugar is high and I feel like death or insulin when it's low and I just want to eat everything in the kitchen -  then feel like death meets a hangover. They mean well and that's what counts for me. 

I've met a great many wonderful people through the diabetes community online, learned a whole new language of diabetes lingo, and good chunk of my Facebook friends-list are other Diabetics I've never had the chance to meet in person, but they are definitely true friends I really hope to one day meet. 

As today is World Diabetes Day, and this is kind of an 'awareness' post I'll end it with this: 

I am SO thankful for Frederick Banting who discovered/invented Insulin so we can live mostly normal lives WITH all our limbs (I know you were thinking about that relative that lost a foot! ), I am thankful for all the men and women that have worked on Insulin Pumps through the years. I would be so lost without my battery-powered-pancreas! And I am thankful for my ever supportive sweet husband and advocate who will call and yell at health insurance companies when they try to play games with me. :) 

Now - I've done my tiny little part in awareness-ing people. :-P

--- Bethany

"Going Through the Motions"

I (Bethany) often have a hard time putting into words everything that rattles around in my head. So here is my best effort this morning. 

I am a wife and also a mom to an almost-4-year-old, who just came down with Croup and an Ear Infection. Which means a few sleepless nights for me when she can't sleep. As I finally get up for the day I feel like a zombie just "going through the motions" of getting us all up, showered, fed and out the door. 

Diabetes is also a circus act of "going through the motions." We check our blood sugar, maybe we don't, and just guess at an appropriate amount of insulin and deal with the fallout later. Insulin pump is out of insulin, beeping and buzzing, so we change the whole system out, or maybe just part of the system. We learn what foods impact our  blood sugar the least, and then what foods will make us feel a bit like we've got a hangover later - and, at times, we'll decide it's worth it in the moment. 

Lately I find myself going through juuust enough of the motions to keep up a poor status quo. I don't feel miserable, and can get through the day. It's not ideal, but at times seems necessary. 

My question to myself has been would I be more productive if I was at 98 or 100%? Would I be thinking clearer? Able to focus better on the task at hand? Be less irritable and more my happy self that I haven't been feeling lately? 

Probably. 

Sometimes our motions need changing, a new kind of routine, or slightly altered for the better. I often find myself in "Diabetes-Burnout", if I try to completely 180º my world, and I know the same is true for most of us. We'd seriously be kidding ourselves if we didn't realize that diabetes is only a part of our daily lives, we have so much more going on than that from work to family to hobbies and all the other things that will come up. 

So I'm challenging myself to change up my daily routine, checking my blood sugar more, and just being more mindful of what I eat. What are you going to do this week to help yourself out? 

- Bethany

Hand to Hand, Heart to Heart

 It is not this case for every Type 1 but it certainly is for me, especially in the last few years. Muscle weakness from high or fluctuating blood sugars causes me to have very weak strength , especially in my hands. The first time I realized my hands would have such drastic repercussions from ill blood sugar levels was a few years back when I was working with my dad in the shop. I couldn’t turn a wrench that under prime circumstances I would have very little difficulty doing. Then I started to drop my purse randomly, have sleepless nights due to muscle cramping, have to stop or not work out because I literally had no strength, or break dishes because my hands just gave out. At first I was terrified and didn’t know what was happening to my body. Then I put two and two together and realized the direct correlation my blood sugars have on my strength. For many reasons, including my love for sports, piano, drawing, work, and the full use of my hands, I am frustrated and fearful of what condition my hands will be in ten and twenty years from now. Praise the Lord these episodes are temporary and I am able to do all the things I love to do still, though still I would be lying if I told you I don’t think about how different life would be if I couldn’t use my hands.

The frustration and terror that results has created much motivation and growth.
What do I do to rid myself of these fears and make it though the times my hands are weak?

 Well, first and foremost, as a believer I know God has a plan for me and that no matter what state I am in I will seek to bring Him glory. He had nails through His hands for me, I will be grateful for whatever state I am in.

 Secondly, I realize and appreciate more and more every day that my husband has really strong hands, really strong muscles, and an even stronger love for me. When we were dating I had an episode and his response to my frustration was “I will always be there for you, even if that means opening what you cant open and picking up what you cant pick up.” Embracing now to admit this, but my first response to his comment was frustration. Why? Well I have a tendency to fear and avoid weakness. I took his kindness as a threat. Oh how I have been humbled and now often seek his help in the areas of my weakness.
Lastly, I learn to cherish the times, that are still more often than not, that I don’t have weakness and pain in my muscles and hands. I cherish the times I get to work with my hands, exercise with full capacity, sleep through the night without muscle cramping, and do the dishes without breaking a glass. I never realized before how I took advantage of living without such conditions. If I can encourage you in any way, please hear this: be grateful for strength and health. I am only one in millions of people with a problem and you just never know when your health decline.

 I am grateful for my hands and I will use them to the best of my ability until the day I die, because I know there are people who don’t have hands or cannot use them. If you feel discouraged remember that this life is temporary so make the most of what you can do!

Reasonable Rest

 

 

“I just can’t, DO.” If you are Type 1 Diabetic these words probably are not foreign to you. Whether it was said to yourself or to another, and whether it was through tear stained sobs, a raised voice, or completely exhausted and hushed tones, I would probably be safe in betting you know these words. Let me tell you one thing: it’s OKAY to feel this way.

 

If you understand the statement, “I just can’t, do,” there is one question you should consider. Are you so stubborn that you are going to let Diabetes control you? I have derived this question from the result of a recent conversation I had with Bethany. Our conversation began as we each had a “high to low to high” blood sugar episode from the past week to share with each other. Each personal experience included a long chain of frustrations towards our own bodies, our insurance companies, and this often misunderstood and underestimated disease. We brainstorm ways to explain how this feels. One way I try to sum it up is, “it feels like I was hit by a train and all my muscles just want to do nothing.” She explains “it is as if I am living in a cloud.” The feelings that like to attach themselves to this result of exhaustion and weakness from such episodes are often guilt, shame, and resentment. The natural response, at least for Bethany and I, is to be stubborn and just keep going. If you have Type 1 Diabetes I hope you know that this is not the best answer.

 

If you don’t want Diabetes to completely alter your way of life, you have to dismiss and reject the aforementioned feelings that lead to stubbornness. Everything in me screams “I don’t want Diabetes to control me.” I cannot even tell you how many times I, Bethany, and probably every Type 1 Diabetic has said this. The issue then is a matter of learning and continuing to live without the chains of Diabetes restraining us from living to our fullest potential. Well one important way that will not allow the terrors of Diabetes to control you is, to do nothing.

 

Stopping and properly letting your body rest is a way of controlling your Diabetes, not vice versa. If you stubbornly choose to avoid resting you are letting it control you because more than likely you are choosing to be sick for numerous days, instead of just resting for one day. I have to admit even typing that last sentence caused me to cringe because having to stop is not something that comes easily to me or Bethany. We like to do. Therefore, not doing something is not natural to us. If this is something you too struggle with, I hope reading this encourages you. You are not alone in the battle to fight these feelings, to fight for your health- and life, nor to fight for wonderful experiences we all are blessed to be a part of. Reject the mental attitude that says resting is letting Diabetes control you. Accept the mental attitude that you choose to take care of your body so you can live tomorrow and your life as best you can. 

 

Much love, 

Krystal Konzal